This Is A Special Circumstance

"You don't have to be tough every minute of every day.It's okay to let down your guard.In fact, there's moments when it'sthe best thing you could possibly do -as long as you choose those moments wisely."

well this is a special circumstance because i have have a really bad week. nothing bad happened i just felt like i was missing something. i wish i had somebody to talk to, i used to have mikey but not anymore. it just sucks cause i been tryna get something off my chest but no one listens and then once i start most people start talking about themselves. thats just how human nature is though, people dont mean to, but ourselves mean more then others. Well today was the most un-icy day of all cause i felt like everyone was being really....off. like yu know those back-handed remarks that say one thing, but mean another. Today felt like a million of those, all clustered together. OMG and history was wackk because ms. marcus seating chart has put me in the most akward position ever :[

and another more important thing is that i been thinking bout my brother alot lately, and i dont really tell no one bout this cause most people think im messing around, but i used to have a brother, he was my twin and he died. i was just wondering what it would have been like if he had lived and i hadnt (not to sound emo or anything) but i was just thinking bout it. it was a 50/50 chance and i made it, not him. my parents must have been so disapionted too, cause they had always wanted a boy and they got 3 girls. i think he wuda been nice though, and smart. i cant imagine another me though, it wuda been cool to have a twin bro tho, we prolly wudnt have anything in common.

bleh theres more but its too personal for a blog, thats why i got a diary. so talk to you later bloggy, or write to you later i guess... :]

msy.cnt. :]

What Doesn't Kill You..

"those sayings were never really true, what doesn't kill you doesn't always make you stronger. what doesn't kill you can leave you blind, deaf or even crippled for the rest of your life and then how can you come out stronger after that?"

-Anonymous

Well the last...3 weeks? have been really really good. but this last week was the best because so many wierd things happened. this is gunna sound corny but like everyday was like a lesson for me. today was the most important thoughh.

i had a really good day cuz i finally just took nothing too seriously and people were wondering what was wronq with me (cuz i guess its strange for me to be giggly and happy). and then me and ashley got to be there for our friend who was having trouble :] and it was nice because i dont really get to hang wiff her much now but it was nice to feel like i could still help her out. then we hung out at skewl and mr allen was being sucha dorkk wiff the trashcans and tryna be superman(long story) and we stayed till 5:00 then went to go get pizza, then florii and nina left and me kay and ashley went back to our trains. then me and ash finally got home mad late and changed for churchh. then afterr we went out to get pizza agen (i eat it like 7 times a day and still stay skinny, isnt that sad?) and it was so funny cuz we were talking bout racism and stuff. then we ended up separating into groups. it was me, gunther, jazzy and jamillaa who were in the NOTTT puerto rican group and ashley and angel in the puerto rican group :P and gunther didnt wanna be pink(another long story) but he ended up having to be when i tricked him into singing taylor swiftt. and then we were like screaming mad loudd in the mad quiet lonely part of hellz kitchen so it was scary...then we finally made it to 9th ave and we was all still singing and screaming, but ashley missed "forever and always". then gunther wasn't letting ashley hug me gudbye cuz shes not un-puerto rican like us. lmaoo ?

but anywayszz the point of this long story is that i had a really bad 08 cuza last year and 09 is MUCH better :] also, i think things are changing for the better and i cant wait to see how the rest of this year goes :] & also people having been telling me "what doesnt kill you makes you stronger" and that is SO not true, as written in the quote abovee. i dont get why people say that. what doesnt kill you can seriously fuck you up and even ruin your life. so no assholes, what doesnt kill you DOESNT always make you stronger so stop saying that :] ALSO i figured out lying can be a good thing sometimes, and NO thast doesnt mean lying to a piont where you take someones heart and rip it all up and stomp all over it. *cough*pengy*cough* like little lies. because it turns out if you dont lie there'll always be someone mad at you...

and also lately i felt like i got no one to talk to and i been having a rough time but i realizeddd that i always have the one person i could trust no matter how far away.

;;*my gaurdian angel :] ;;*